The Trap of the Heart Part 2: The blogger strikes back

The Malaysian government, as successfully predicted by one of the kind commentators in the country, has failed to comment on the Trap of the Heart debacle. However, I think they underestimated me and my ability to dig up information via my own sources.

Now, I don't like to make a big deal of it, but in my current studies, I often meet a lot of international government personnel. Most usually, its a talk and afterward drink session with some Cultural Attache who's gotten bored with London, and sometimes its slightly more involved or knowledgeable individuals. Anyway, I heard from one of my people an interesting story which sheds a whole new light on the Uncyclopedia/Malaysis drama....

"The problem is far more serious than most people seem to believe. Its been passed off in the media, that which has noticed it, as nothing more than a misunderstanding, when it seems that there is no small amount of mystery and deceit involved. According to a source within MISS, the cause of this entire upset is an American called Dobbs, and the rabbit hole goes much deeper than an inability to tell humour from reality. John R. Dobbs, a civilian contractor and analyst associated with the CIA, is accused by the Malaysians of gross malfeasance in what was supposed to be an ad campaign for boosting tourism revenue within the country. Mr. Dobbs who has a long history with the Malaysian government, is accused of embezzling $2.6 million intended for a public relations campaign. Instead the Malaysian Bureau of Exports and Tourism was given an inaccurate and unflattering description on Uncyclopedia.org, an open, free, and typically accurate online encyclopedia.

Dobbs allegedly used the money to buy a controlling share in a Malaysian pharmaceutical company manufacturing and marketing “penis enlargement pills” to the southeast Asia market. Laboratory testing has shown a link between prolonged usage of the pills and elevated risk of impotence and sterility. Adding insult to injury, Dobbs' used CIA propaganda techniques to spread fear of a "Koro" outbreak (which means "head of the turtle" in Malay). Koro or “penis panic” is the fear in certain cultures of a disease or curse which causes men's genitals to shrink and eventually disappear. It was assumed that Koro would increase the sales of the male enhancement pills. Apparently the Malaysian government in coordination with the CIA, had been using Koro-panics as a non-chemical means of population control for several decades.

Now Kuala Lumpur is attempting damage control, denying allegations of involvement with Dobbs in any way other than as a private marketing consultant. Apparently trying to distance themselves from him, while denying their involvement with numerous Koro outbreaks in the past. It appears that MISS is trying to keep a lid on the problem by using heavy-handed tactics to stem the tide of allegations coming from all sides."

I don't know what to make of it, but, rather like an alternate reality version of Fox News, I only report what I hear, and let you, the people, decide.

Public Warning: Parody and satire sites might not be truthful!

Thanks to Cainad for the tip-off on this.

Now, I'm more of an Encyclopedia Dramatica fan, I have to admit. I like my humour to have some bite to it, to be a little bit dark and morbid, as well as lulzy. But Uncyclopedia is not only not a bad site, it has just gone up highly in my estimation, for making the Malaysian government start shitting bricks. For those of you unable to see the declaration, for whatever reasons, I shall copy the badly translated site below:

Department of Homeland Security confirmed http://www.uncycloedia.org/wiki website provides not true message, and published containing insults, contempt and awareness of the content of Malaysia, the Department issued a statement today urges public concern.

Statement pointed out that the site was on January 5, 2005 Recommendation for WIKIA operated by the company, the world's leading Wikipedia website (Wikipedia) also belong to this company, but the site has not spread the right message, and These erroneous information has been widely adopted, particularly from the United States print media.

Statement disclosed that the web site contains covers the country's history, culture, politics, Malaysian leaders, cabinet lineup, the national anthem and even the name of the national flag, characteristics, but are in fact contrary to the information of its validity.

In the statement, said that Malaysia would have been serious violations of the dignity of the network more irresponsible dissemination of the news of China's intention to distort the facts now enjoy peace, and attempts to split the country's political situation, to create a negative Malaysia image.

Authorities expect the statement to urge the public not to feel free to download and disseminate relevant website content, in order to avoid falling into the trap of heart.

And of course, in this digital age, treating adults like idiots who cannot tell satire from reality (well, barring some rather bizzare comments from the US Administration, as part of their War Against Irony) is only going to provoke a hilarious response. Here are some bloggers comments on the Department of Homeland Security's apparent inability to understand humour. Here, and here and here and a fair few more not in English (and so not linked to).

Uncyclopedia's own Internal Security Department has struck back with this warning, that;

PENANG, Uncyclopedia, Monday (UNN) — The Internal Security Department of the Uncyclomedia Foundation has identified Malaysia as a dangerous country which has messages and information containing insults, contempt and awareness of the content of Uncyclopedia. It warned its people not to use the country today.

The Internal Security Department warning says this is insulting Uncyclopedia and the country is spreading unresponsible news to twist the fact that Uncyclopedia now is a peaceful website and Malaysia tends to make a political separation in Uncyclopedia and cause a bad image of Uncyclopedia in the world. In the statement, said that Uncyclopedia would have been serious violations of the dignity of the network, more irresponsible dissemination of the news of Chinese Wikipedia's intention to distort the facts, now enjoy peace, and attempts to split the website's political situation, to create a negative Uncyclopedia image in the domain.

Through the warning notice the Internal Security Department of Foundation of Uncyclomedia wishes to ask the public not to download or spread the contents of this country, in order to avoid falling into the trap of heart.

Clearly a stern rebuke. I intend to email the Malaysian Government to see if they are willing to comment on this story. I'm not sure if a lowly blogger such as myself can expect a reply, but its worth a shot. I also intend to ask them if there is a Malaysian word for "parody", and if not if there is one for "crimethink" instead. "NO HAVING FUN IN MALAYSIA, YOU MIGHT HURT THE GOVERNMENT'S FEELINGS!" etc.

Just another day on planet of the irrational apes...