Tory Party Election Slogans

Because I feel it is my civic duty, as a good citizen-to-be, I have come up with several dozen slogans the Tories can use to secure victory in 2010. Additionally, to keep them down with the kids and their crazy internet lingo, I have added a special 4chan meme-slogan compendium at the end of this list.

• “Tories: We won’t fix things but we’ll give it a shiny coat of paint!”
• “Vote Conservative: Who knows when the next time we’re going to look so appealing will be?”
• “Vote Conservative: After the last 13 years of this shit, your standards really can't afford to be all that high.”
• “Tories: let us play the Good Cop for once.”
• “Unhappy with the status quo? Tough shit. Suck it up and vote Conservative.”
• “The Conservative Party: A Better Class of Sex Scandal.”
• “Vote Tory: It Will Make Polly Toynbee mad.”
• “Tories: We’re not competent either, but at least we might sell you out to someone who is!”
• “Vote Conservative. If you can’t hold your own nose, we’ll deduct the cost of a clothespin from your wages.”
• “Vote Conservative: We promise to keep Iain Dale away from anything important.”
• “Tories: Shit is better than Radioactive Waste.”
• “Vote Tory: I’m serious, like when will the Lib Dems will ever do anything?”
• “Tories: because money-grabbing opportunists are STILL better than well-meaning psychopaths.”
• “Vote Conservative, before we forget how to do corruption properly.”
• “Tories: The Other Rich Elite!”
• “Vote Tory! What Did Having A Conscience Ever Do For You?”
• “Tories: We’re marginally less likely to march the whole country down the slow road to becoming Airstrip One.”
• “Conservative Party: When You Like Freedom, But Don’t Like, Like Freedom.”
• “Tories: Like you have a choice anyway, so just shut up and vote.”
• “Tories: Because you want to believe there’s a difference.”
• “Vote Tory! Like you’d really want Gordon Brown to listen up on your phone calls?”
• “If you’re ready for slightly less of the same, vote Tory.”
• “Tories: With us in power, Labour will be outraged by civil rights violations again!”
• “Vote Tory: You may as well, now that Sarkozy has won in France!”

And now, the 4chan/meme-speak version:

• “A Conservative PM Is Fine, Too.”
• "Vote Conservative: A winnar is you!”
• “Bitches Don't Know Bout Our Amazing Policies.”
• “Vote Conservative, and receive a delicious cake!”
• “Gordon Brown: DO NOT WANT.”
• “Vote for Cameron: he has a shuvel.”
• “Tories: WE'RE A CHARGING OUR LAZORS!”
• “Tories: Political Hate Machine.”
• “Voting Labour? ITS A TRAP!”
• “Gordon Brown? Not this shit again.”
• “i think david cameron is a pretty cool guy. eh isn't gordon brown doesn't afraid of anything.”
• “Vote Tory: We'll even put shoes on our heads if you ask us.”
• “Voting Labour? YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.”
• “Vote Cameron: He'll stick it in your pooper.”
• “Where is your socialist paradise now?”

And last, but most certainly not least:

Scientology IS a cult

I know I'm not telling you anything new here, I'm just taking advantage of my US hosting and First Ammendment rights to tell you, Scientology is a cult.

For those of you slow on the uptake:

SCIENTOLOGY IS A CULT.

Right, glad we cleared that up.

Because apparently, you can now be arrested for calling the Scifags a cult.

From the BBC

A 15-year-old is facing possible prosecution for holding up a placard which branded Scientology a "cult".

The teenager held up a sign which read, "Scientology is not a religion, it is a dangerous cult" in May, outside its headquarters in the City of London.

Its outrageous that the Co$ has pressed for the kid to be charged. A fucking disgrace. I know I haven't really talked about the Scientology vs Anonymous deal for a while now, mainly because its gotten so big and is so well documented elsewhere that I suspect I'm not really needed, but I still support Anonymous in their efforts. And this sort of paranoid overreaction and heavy handed response reminds us precisely of why the Church of Scientology needs to be dealt with. Apart from being the biggest lolcows on the planet, that is.