This is not the broken society you were looking for

And thus, Jedi Master Boris Johnson overturns the idea that he may be off message.

I like his style though. It reminds me of a certain fictional lawyer (whose name eludes me), whose tactic was to allege the most preposterous things, then say "withdrawn" before the Judge could punish him, knowing full well that the original statement is out there, and no amount of denial will have the impact of the initial allegation.

Good old Boris.

Reasons to not drink coffee while reading BBC News

Tories 'best' to tackle poverty

George Osborne is set to claim that the Tories are best placed to tackle poverty and create a fair society.

I mean, seriously, are you trying to kill me here? I could have choked...

Oh dear, it looks like Boris is "off message"

Link.

Boris Johnson has described David Cameron's claim that Britain is a 'broken society' as 'piffle'.

In an intervention likely to dismay Tory HQ, the London mayor claimed our success at the Olympics proves youngsters are far from 'aimless, feckless and hopeless, addicted to their PlayStations'.

'If you believe the politicians, we have a broken society, in which the courage and morals of young people have been sapped by welfarism and political correctness,' he said.

'And if you look at what is happening at the Beijing Olympics, you can see what piffle that is.'

Oh dear. It would be terrible if this were the start of the unravelling of the Tory party message, and still 2 years from when the election is due. They'd have to come up with a whole new meme to explain why their plans for radical social reform (hang on, I thought it was the left who did the social engineering?) are so necessary.

Tory Party Election Slogans

Because I feel it is my civic duty, as a good citizen-to-be, I have come up with several dozen slogans the Tories can use to secure victory in 2010. Additionally, to keep them down with the kids and their crazy internet lingo, I have added a special 4chan meme-slogan compendium at the end of this list.

• “Tories: We won’t fix things but we’ll give it a shiny coat of paint!”
• “Vote Conservative: Who knows when the next time we’re going to look so appealing will be?”
• “Vote Conservative: After the last 13 years of this shit, your standards really can't afford to be all that high.”
• “Tories: let us play the Good Cop for once.”
• “Unhappy with the status quo? Tough shit. Suck it up and vote Conservative.”
• “The Conservative Party: A Better Class of Sex Scandal.”
• “Vote Tory: It Will Make Polly Toynbee mad.”
• “Tories: We’re not competent either, but at least we might sell you out to someone who is!”
• “Vote Conservative. If you can’t hold your own nose, we’ll deduct the cost of a clothespin from your wages.”
• “Vote Conservative: We promise to keep Iain Dale away from anything important.”
• “Tories: Shit is better than Radioactive Waste.”
• “Vote Tory: I’m serious, like when will the Lib Dems will ever do anything?”
• “Tories: because money-grabbing opportunists are STILL better than well-meaning psychopaths.”
• “Vote Conservative, before we forget how to do corruption properly.”
• “Tories: The Other Rich Elite!”
• “Vote Tory! What Did Having A Conscience Ever Do For You?”
• “Tories: We’re marginally less likely to march the whole country down the slow road to becoming Airstrip One.”
• “Conservative Party: When You Like Freedom, But Don’t Like, Like Freedom.”
• “Tories: Like you have a choice anyway, so just shut up and vote.”
• “Tories: Because you want to believe there’s a difference.”
• “Vote Tory! Like you’d really want Gordon Brown to listen up on your phone calls?”
• “If you’re ready for slightly less of the same, vote Tory.”
• “Tories: With us in power, Labour will be outraged by civil rights violations again!”
• “Vote Tory: You may as well, now that Sarkozy has won in France!”

And now, the 4chan/meme-speak version:

• “A Conservative PM Is Fine, Too.”
• "Vote Conservative: A winnar is you!”
• “Bitches Don't Know Bout Our Amazing Policies.”
• “Vote Conservative, and receive a delicious cake!”
• “Gordon Brown: DO NOT WANT.”
• “Vote for Cameron: he has a shuvel.”
• “Tories: WE'RE A CHARGING OUR LAZORS!”
• “Tories: Political Hate Machine.”
• “Voting Labour? ITS A TRAP!”
• “Gordon Brown? Not this shit again.”
• “i think david cameron is a pretty cool guy. eh isn't gordon brown doesn't afraid of anything.”
• “Vote Tory: We'll even put shoes on our heads if you ask us.”
• “Voting Labour? YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG.”
• “Vote Cameron: He'll stick it in your pooper.”
• “Where is your socialist paradise now?”

And last, but most certainly not least:

Tories finally learning from their mistakes

Shorter Conservative Home:

"We're now social progressives because we don't call our dates "slappers" and "tarts"."

Presumably this is meant to be some sort of metaphor, though with the Tories one can never be sure. If it is though, doesn't it suggest that previous Tory leaders have been the moral equivalents of that disgusting drunk at the bar going "heya darlin', fancy givin' me a kiss?" while trying to grope her?

Of course, it would be much easier for me to make some sort of snarky comment about this explaining why Tories never get laid, but even I'm not that low. Oh, damn it...

The Shorter Concept was shamelessly stolen from Sadly, No! and Elton Beard.