AUTHORIZED FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE TO ALL MEDIA.
I have been authorized by the leader of the PFLD to make a statement concerning the state of entertainment in America.
We, the PFLD, claim responsibility for unleashing the Eurovision Song Contest of the Americas. Two years ago, we infiltrated NBC's Development Department and Reveille series producers. Our highly placed agents managed to pass the idea that such a contest could match American Idol and thus the station became our willing dupes.
With the release of this information today, we can use this act of terrorism to full advantage.
We will unleash Eurovision based song competitions on every continent in the globe and ensure Prime Time viewing will be made for it, unless our demands are met.
Each member of the PFLD must receive a plasma TV screen within 3 weeks of this statement. Furthermore, we demand the release of Prime Minister Harold Edward Holt of Australia, who has been held as a political prisoner in Guantanamo Bay since his “disappearance” in 1967. Finally, the BBC must agree to show re-runs of Eldorado.
Thank you for your time. Do as we demand and no more ears have to hurt.