Jan 31, 2008

Who is driving downed US spy-satellite?

HIMEOBS is driving downed US spy-satellite, according to an email from "Agent Rapier" that I recieved earlier today.

For those of you who don't know, a 10,000 pound US satellite is falling out of the sky, and is expected to land somewhere in the USA, with all its wonderful variety of toxic chemicals over the place.

Or is it? As mentioned above, I was contacted by a HIMEOBS agent and ordered to relay this message on my blog. So, as I promised, here it is, HIMEOBS' claims as to what is really going on (click to expand the image):

Ron Paul set to win Maine

According to the rumours I hear. Of course, I hear all sort of strange rumours from the Ron Paul camp, many of them unverifiable, but this doesn't come from them and seems to be well grounded. We all know Maine has a contingent of highly Libertarian Republicans, and that things can get a bit strange up there from time to time, so its not totally implausible.

You go, guys! Stick it to the Reptilian/Illuminati/Zionist/International Banking/NWO/Discordian conspiracy! KICK EM IN THA NADS!!!

Never Forget

It has been exactly one year since that terrible day. That day when terror, in the guise of a slick marketing campaign, was visited upon Boston. That day, when the Boston police showed that, for all practical purposes, LED lights and wires in a box can be just as devestating as an army at the borders. That day, when we learned about the Fifth Column of cartoonists within our borders, who even now seek to undermine us.

In short, on this terrible date, 365 days ago, we learnt what is was to fear the Mooninites.

Never forget!

Jan 30, 2008


That's my nickname for stuff I should be linking to but haven't got around to yet, because I'm incurably lazy.

Anyway, first thing on the list is Cramulus is running a Discordian poster campaign with a bit of a difference. If you want to know more, go to this link.

Secondly, if you have the time and are interested, sign up to The Process Underground to spread chaotic memes. Nautilus11 from the site kindly brough it to our attention on Principia Discordia a few days ago, and it seems promising.

Thirdly, you may remember way back on Halloween I posted a link to the GPod episode by Milford Connolly of Garden of Truth. It seems that Joesph Matheny has updated the El Centro page to include many of the documents of the game (or mind-control conspiracy, if you believe Connolly's take on it). Anyway, there is more documentation and an interview of Matheny there worth listening to, so if El-Centro interests you, check it out.

Lets see...anything else? Oh yes, the two blogs of the moment, in my book. First, the reasonable conservative political pundit, Jon Swift. When he writes, it almost makes me want to sign up and become a Republican.... and also, I know I mentioned Rigorous Inuition before, but the link I gave was to the old website. The new one, and links to the forums etc can be found here, if above average conspiracy research is your thing.

I think that just about covers it for now. Enjoy.

Bolton's hard on for war with Iran

I sometimes wonder about John Bolton. I mean, firstly he has a silly moustache, and if WWII taught us anything, it is to never trust men with silly moustache's when it comes to politics. And he was Bush's choice for UN envoy, and we all know how much President Bush luuuuuuuurves the UN. On the other hand, he occasionally shows signs of higher cognitive functions, like when he was interviewed on BBC's Newsnight. He is an enimga, wrapped in bad facial hair.

Yesterday on Fox News he also decided to show his support for Giuliani and McCain. Ignoring Mr 9/11, according to the Israeli daily, Haaretz, McCain said "At the end of the day, we cannot allow the Iranians to acquire nuclear weapons." Not as quite as...um, outspoken as Rudy "Peace is Strength" Giuliani, but if he has the backing of Bolton, he obviously seems to think he'll do something about Iran.

Because Bolton really, really, really hates Iran. He hates it with that strange passion that only a man who has never personally had anything done to him by Iran can. Well except making him stall in giving information to John Kerry when Kerry was inquiring about the Iran-Contra issue. You can tell how much he hates Iran by how often he calls for it to be bombed. Maybe he's a fan of The Secret and hopes if he concentrates on it enough it will be true?

The Israelis apparently take him seriously, probably because they don't want to repeat the mistake of the last time they didn't take a man with a silly moustache seriously, but the National-Reviewista have apparently closed ranks in support of his position as well. And given how a Middle Eastern Discordian with a radio nearly started the war last month by trolling the US Navy while the Iranians were zipping around nearby, and the history of these guys when it comes to outright distortion and lying, I don't give Iran very good chances for 2009.

Jan 29, 2008

Ordung und Verwirrung

Pranking about

Just a heads up to let you know blogging may be fairly light for the next few weeks. Not only am I going to finish my degree and finally (at last) get my bloody Master's, I'll also have my hands full with the R U Sirius course Pranks and Pranksters, Tricks and Tricksters at Maybe Logic, and a couple of other little side projects.

That said, I'm about to launch into a blogging blitz, so you'll have plenty to catch up on should I be busy.

Update: actually, my circumstances don't look too good right now, so I've had to withdraw from taking part in this, not to mention make ramen noodles a staple part of my diet again. Stupid rent changes...anyway, best of luck to the rest of you who are involved in this, and let me know what you get up to.

Jan 27, 2008

Bill Hicks - Outlaw Comic

Can't come up with anything funny today, so instead I present one of the funniest comedians of the last decade, the late Bill Hicks, for your entertainment. Iconoclastic, rude, wickedly funny and utterly shameless, this documentary details his life and is worth watching for the clips alone. 7 parts in total, enjoy.

(Note: sound quality may be poor on some early clips, but they do get better)

Jan 26, 2008

Discordian polling

After the New York Times decided to come out in half-hearted support for McCain and Clinton, under the slogan of Iraq - 10,000 more years of occupation, Professor Cramulus decided to see where Principia Discordia's loyalties lay with a poll.

To make matters fair, voters were allowed to choose between Clinton, McCain, or a small basket of kittens as their choice for the next President of the USA, if the election were today. The results, as of posting this, are

McCain: 3 (13.6%)
Clinton: 1 (4.5%)
A basket of kittens: 18 (81.8%)

Sadly, this may be the most coherent and sensible statement on the political process thus far, although when you consider 95% of the media coverage, this would not be too hard.

Jan 24, 2008

The sky is falling in!

Oh yes it is. Unless you haven't been paying attention to the financial pages lately, you can't help but consider the purchase of sub-prime loans was perhaps carried by one Kallisti Corporation, or Golden and Apfel Import and Export for Illuminatus! fans.

Either way, financial chaos seems certain, at least for the immediate future. Eris is stalking the boardrooms and plauging CEOs and bankers with uncertainty. No-one knows where the sub-prime loans are, or exactly what banks have purchased the debt. So no-one wants to loan thei money out to other banks, let alone various industries and companies, which is kind of a problem when the global economy is dependent on the continual movement of cash and debt.

Although, so far, the panic is doing more than the actual markets themselves. Its not as bad as 1987, though it is as bad as the days immediately following 9/11. And the USA is teetering on the eddge of a recession, which could have some very interesting implications.

For example, let us consider the economic populism of a Huckabee, or Ron Paul. Both of them reject, in one way or another, the so-called NeoLiberal consensus. If the economic situation worsens, it could become quite a boost to their campaigns, especially when you consider all the other candidates are reading from the same playbook.

Closer to home, where the Neo-Liberal consensus has control of many of the major political parties, we should consider the case of the BNP, who pursue a Third Positionist/protectionist economy, partially to shore up support from the disaffected Left and partially because "TEH J0000000s" control international banking. Many Eurofascist parties, such as Vlaams Belang and the Swedish National Democrats, hold similar positions, and since they are already making headway by exploiting fear of Islam and especially focusing on economic immigration, this can only help them.

Of course, its not all bad. Perhaps this will help open up the debate on economic issues more fully, allowing more "discredited" or unusual theories to have a more thorough and critical looking at.


Time will tell, anyway.

Jan 20, 2008

In the internet age, nothing is banned for long

Oh dear. It looks like the Church of Scientology decided both Tom Cruise and their expensive legal teams were not getting enough exercise, so they let the vertically challenged Messiah out of his cage long enough to embarass them on video, then sent in the legal team to clear up the damage and prevent it becoming a laughing stock.

Unfortunately, this is the age of the internet, and there are just so many unscrupulous people about, who will think nothing off making duplicates copywrited material and disseminating it around the internet for everyone to see. For example, I managed to find the below 2 links with just a few minutes of searching.

Download link one
Mirror link

Fortunately, its in .flv format, so not too many people will be able watch it without downloading some sort of free program.

Interestingly enough, the internet has decided to declare War on Scientology as well. At least, the parts of it on the various 4chan spin-off sites, including the HACKERS ON STERIODS of Fox News infamy. Along with mass dissemination of the Tom Cruise video and Scientology texts, there have been DDoS attacks against the Scientology site as well, which reportedly was down for a while. Operation Chanology has a lot of manpower and is even more amusing than the Church of Scientology, so I wish it well.

The Trap of the Heart Part 2: The blogger strikes back

The Malaysian government, as successfully predicted by one of the kind commentators in the country, has failed to comment on the Trap of the Heart debacle. However, I think they underestimated me and my ability to dig up information via my own sources.

Now, I don't like to make a big deal of it, but in my current studies, I often meet a lot of international government personnel. Most usually, its a talk and afterward drink session with some Cultural Attache who's gotten bored with London, and sometimes its slightly more involved or knowledgeable individuals. Anyway, I heard from one of my people an interesting story which sheds a whole new light on the Uncyclopedia/Malaysis drama....

"The problem is far more serious than most people seem to believe. Its been passed off in the media, that which has noticed it, as nothing more than a misunderstanding, when it seems that there is no small amount of mystery and deceit involved. According to a source within MISS, the cause of this entire upset is an American called Dobbs, and the rabbit hole goes much deeper than an inability to tell humour from reality. John R. Dobbs, a civilian contractor and analyst associated with the CIA, is accused by the Malaysians of gross malfeasance in what was supposed to be an ad campaign for boosting tourism revenue within the country. Mr. Dobbs who has a long history with the Malaysian government, is accused of embezzling $2.6 million intended for a public relations campaign. Instead the Malaysian Bureau of Exports and Tourism was given an inaccurate and unflattering description on Uncyclopedia.org, an open, free, and typically accurate online encyclopedia.

Dobbs allegedly used the money to buy a controlling share in a Malaysian pharmaceutical company manufacturing and marketing “penis enlargement pills” to the southeast Asia market. Laboratory testing has shown a link between prolonged usage of the pills and elevated risk of impotence and sterility. Adding insult to injury, Dobbs' used CIA propaganda techniques to spread fear of a "Koro" outbreak (which means "head of the turtle" in Malay). Koro or “penis panic” is the fear in certain cultures of a disease or curse which causes men's genitals to shrink and eventually disappear. It was assumed that Koro would increase the sales of the male enhancement pills. Apparently the Malaysian government in coordination with the CIA, had been using Koro-panics as a non-chemical means of population control for several decades.

Now Kuala Lumpur is attempting damage control, denying allegations of involvement with Dobbs in any way other than as a private marketing consultant. Apparently trying to distance themselves from him, while denying their involvement with numerous Koro outbreaks in the past. It appears that MISS is trying to keep a lid on the problem by using heavy-handed tactics to stem the tide of allegations coming from all sides."

I don't know what to make of it, but, rather like an alternate reality version of Fox News, I only report what I hear, and let you, the people, decide.

Jan 19, 2008

More shameless self-promotion

Baron von Hoopla has put up his interview of me (Eris knows why) we did earlier in the week on his blog. The theme is Discordianism and politics, in particular a look at Thornley's involvement in the Kennedy Assassination. Well, as much as I know on the topic anyway, which was mostly gleaned from The Dreadlock Recollections and hanging around conspiracy types. Anyway, enjoy and feel free to comment.

Jan 17, 2008

Public Warning: Parody and satire sites might not be truthful!

Thanks to Cainad for the tip-off on this.

Now, I'm more of an Encyclopedia Dramatica fan, I have to admit. I like my humour to have some bite to it, to be a little bit dark and morbid, as well as lulzy. But Uncyclopedia is not only not a bad site, it has just gone up highly in my estimation, for making the Malaysian government start shitting bricks. For those of you unable to see the declaration, for whatever reasons, I shall copy the badly translated site below:

Department of Homeland Security confirmed http://www.uncycloedia.org/wiki website provides not true message, and published containing insults, contempt and awareness of the content of Malaysia, the Department issued a statement today urges public concern.

Statement pointed out that the site was on January 5, 2005 Recommendation for WIKIA operated by the company, the world's leading Wikipedia website (Wikipedia) also belong to this company, but the site has not spread the right message, and These erroneous information has been widely adopted, particularly from the United States print media.

Statement disclosed that the web site contains covers the country's history, culture, politics, Malaysian leaders, cabinet lineup, the national anthem and even the name of the national flag, characteristics, but are in fact contrary to the information of its validity.

In the statement, said that Malaysia would have been serious violations of the dignity of the network more irresponsible dissemination of the news of China's intention to distort the facts now enjoy peace, and attempts to split the country's political situation, to create a negative Malaysia image.

Authorities expect the statement to urge the public not to feel free to download and disseminate relevant website content, in order to avoid falling into the trap of heart.

And of course, in this digital age, treating adults like idiots who cannot tell satire from reality (well, barring some rather bizzare comments from the US Administration, as part of their War Against Irony) is only going to provoke a hilarious response. Here are some bloggers comments on the Department of Homeland Security's apparent inability to understand humour. Here, and here and here and a fair few more not in English (and so not linked to).

Uncyclopedia's own Internal Security Department has struck back with this warning, that;

PENANG, Uncyclopedia, Monday (UNN) — The Internal Security Department of the Uncyclomedia Foundation has identified Malaysia as a dangerous country which has messages and information containing insults, contempt and awareness of the content of Uncyclopedia. It warned its people not to use the country today.

The Internal Security Department warning says this is insulting Uncyclopedia and the country is spreading unresponsible news to twist the fact that Uncyclopedia now is a peaceful website and Malaysia tends to make a political separation in Uncyclopedia and cause a bad image of Uncyclopedia in the world. In the statement, said that Uncyclopedia would have been serious violations of the dignity of the network, more irresponsible dissemination of the news of Chinese Wikipedia's intention to distort the facts, now enjoy peace, and attempts to split the website's political situation, to create a negative Uncyclopedia image in the domain.

Through the warning notice the Internal Security Department of Foundation of Uncyclomedia wishes to ask the public not to download or spread the contents of this country, in order to avoid falling into the trap of heart.

Clearly a stern rebuke. I intend to email the Malaysian Government to see if they are willing to comment on this story. I'm not sure if a lowly blogger such as myself can expect a reply, but its worth a shot. I also intend to ask them if there is a Malaysian word for "parody", and if not if there is one for "crimethink" instead. "NO HAVING FUN IN MALAYSIA, YOU MIGHT HURT THE GOVERNMENT'S FEELINGS!" etc.

Just another day on planet of the irrational apes...

Jan 16, 2008

ATTN Creationists, New Age bullshiters and all religious fundies

Livejournal Entry #1437

Today was really awful.

I got out of bed really late because my alarm clock has broken and I cannot afford a new one at the moment.

I feel unusual because my antidepressants are making me hairy.

I'm so angry. Paul is grounded. AGAIN! And I'm not allowed to see him. EVER. It's just NOT FAIR. I hate my mom and I wish she was dead. This wouldn't happen if I was allowed to live with dad.

Last night I had to shave my entire body. Apparently, the lice that I caught from Amanda's friend are really hard to get rid of. I look quite strange with no hair and eyebrows. I'd post pictures, but my webcam is broken.

I want to tell the world to get fucked.

I am sharpening my knives before I go to work today, because I'm going to cut out Robert's heart and feed it to him for losing my mail.

Today, I got a digital camera! Yes! But I'm not showing you psychos any pics

I want to say thanks to the world for absolutely fucking nothing! You all suck. I feel so alone, no one ever reads this journal, or even comments to let me know that I'm not suffering alone. It's cold here, and I want to die, but I cannot figure out how many of you to take with me when I go.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and he said I have a terrible skin disease which prevents me from coming into contact with other human beings. And bipolar disorder.

You should all do this quiz! It's amazingly accurate. You just put in your name and birthday, and it will tell you you're a moron.

That's enough for now. But I'll leave you with this thought - sharing your life with strangers on the internet is the cheapest form of therapy available. Leave a comment and tell me I'm beautiful.

Jan 14, 2008

Look at what I got...

I actually got it a couple of days ago, but with travelling and having cleverly hidden my USB cables all over the place, I decided not to mention it until now. This is of course the version that Synaptyx published, with the hilarious quotes (no, really) provided on the back.

As you can see, I also decided to get my NeoCon on with this selection from Bloom, Strauss and Schmitt. Nothing like reading philosophy you almost but don't quite agree with, especially when it impinges on contemporary issues.

But since the philosophy books not only ruin my counterculture credentials, but are also deadly dull in many ways, I have the above to keep me entertained. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have rather a lot of reading to do...

Jan 13, 2008

Why the 2008 Primaries Suck

Or, more accurately, why the candidates do. Because, lets face it, having any one of these morons with their finger on the nuclear trigger, let alone the economic, cultural and political hub of the world, is rather discouraging.

Or not, depending on your sense of humour and approach to large scale devastation. Since mine is black and, if it has to be done, make it as lulzy as possible, I shall explain why the US primaries do not matter, since all of them are pretty much committed to the above, in one form or another. As such, I shall end my analysis of each leader with which part of the world they are prepared to attack, since that is really the only important policy for a foreigner like me.

Lets start with the Republicans, since I've been following their campaign the closest, for 2 main reasons. Firstly, there seems to be no real natural leader among them who even appeals to the Republican party. Oh sure, when they finally pick one, they'll all pretend to back them 110%, but I've been paying attention to the grass roots members, and they're not too impressed. Secondly, they are generally lulzier than the Democrats, and so are much more entertaining to watch.

My starter for 10 is Rudy Giuliani. Tipped as an early front runner, he has had his ass handed to him twice so far, and is currently eating a shit sandwich. Which makes me happy, because he's a jumped up little NeoCon at heart, whose speeches seem to be a stream of consciousness rant about 9/11. And nothing else. While he originally hoped to play his socially liberal credentials to attract independents and especially democrats, he failed at it and so tried to drum up support from the Christian Right, which he also failed at. Hilarious. Would probably pre-emptively attack Iran, Syria, Pakistan and Jacques Chirac with nukes, if he got into power.

Next on the list is Mike Huckabee. Now Huckabee, he's an odd one. He represents a break in the Republican party that has been developing for a while, that between the allied forces of the intellectual NeoCons, Wall Street and the Christian Right. It was going to happen eventually, and Huckabee is riding the crest of that wave for all it is worth. Doesn't believe in evolution, or enforcing the laws of the state if they go against his morals, which is kind of a downside in a leader, though it does make their excesses far more interesting. Apparently also gives a shit about poor people, which makes him different to most Republicans. Is endorsed by Chuck Norris, with whom he is probably having some sort of strange Platonic love affair. Since he apparently cannot tell the difference between Mexicans and Pakistanis, “it's interesting that there were more Pakistanis who illegally crossed the border [than] any other nationality except those immediately south of our border," he'd probably bomb Juarez, mistaking it for Karachi.

Duncan Hunter is now up. Who the fuck is this guy? Seriously, does he even exist, or is he just some huge Discordian hoax perpetrated on the mass media? Well, according to Wikipedia, he allegedly does exist, so I'll go along with this...for now. Hunter is your basic modern Republican. He's for 'Christian values' except when he has to actually act like Jesus, he's for free trade except for when it ends up benefiting those damn smudgy people, hates illegal immigrants and wants to oppose the UN for the sake of it. Has stated he would pre-emptively bomb Iran with tac-nukes.

Alan Keyes is a black dude in the Republican party who once worked for the UN. In other words, he is one messed up little puppy who has less than a zero percent chance of getting in. Is influenced politically by Bloom, making him one of the smarter NeoCons. He also threw out his daughter for being a lesbian. This must be that compassionate conservatism we keep hearing about. Anyway, this guy is only on the ballots for 18 states, and Wikipedia is demanding citations to prove people voted for him at all, so you could kinda say he's a minor player. His foreign policy would probably involve bombing the stock exchanges of countries that did not agree with him, since he essentially did a non-violent variation of the above for the Reagan administration. Assuming he could even get the foreign countries to take notice of him in the first place.

John McCain is next, a guy who is so old he is lucky to be allowed to run in the Presidential race at all, since the country was founded in the year of his birth. McCain is known as a maverick, mainly for putting up token resistance to President Bush before caving in to every single fucking demand he makes. And for his disregard to culinary etiquette, as noted by Stephen Colbert. He's considered a fiscal Conservative, which basically means he promises not to act like a frat boy with daddy's credit cards while in power. He is also considered capable of bi-partisanship, which basically a nice way of saying if the Democrats have a popular idea, he will steal it. Is also noted for whoring himself out to any interest group going, if it will make him popular. Will likely pre-emptively attack Iraq, again, if elected.

Ron Paul is the wingnut candidate of choice. Noted for his massive support on Digg, among the tinfoil hat brigade and in basements everywhere, Ron Paul is considered the only candidate who can save America. And by save America, he means removing all the laws, however rarely enforced, that stop the corporations fucking the average American repeatedly up the ass. Also noted for taking money from Stormfront, the Nazi/White Supremacist website, though to be honest I don't see a difference between that and taking money from Halliburton. Also thinks fertilized eggs in women count as real people, and has some interesting history in regards to race commentary. Would likely bomb New York, for hosting the UN Headquarters, and Moscow, since his aims to withdraw from certain treaties will provoke a new Russian President no end.

Mitt Romney is a Mormon whose favourite book is Battlefield Earth. That's all you really need to know about him, that he wears magic underwear and his taste in fiction SUCKS. That is to say, both the Book of Mormon and Battlefield Earth. Also thinks fertilized cells are real people, and is often considered the Reaganite candidate of choice. That just means he is too bland as a Republican to be branded a NeoCon, not Christian enough to be a fundamentalist, and too opposed to the Democrats to be a maverick. Is probably secretly plotting to turn America into a Mormon/Scientologist theocracy and his inanity as a political candidate is just a clever act. Would most likely bomb Hillary Clinton, mistaking her for France (apparently, “Hillary = France.” No, I don't get it either) then go onto Pakistan.

Fred Thompson is a failing actor with a hot wife, whose only reason for running is that the ongoing writer's strike has given him far too much free time. Unlike most other Republican candidates, he doesn't actually hate people who are gay, lesbian or transgender, which is somewhat surprising, since 99% of Republicans only rail against Big Government outside of the bedroom. Is supposedly keen on the Constitution, yet doesn't understand basic concepts like separation of Church and State. Really, the only good reason to vote for him is that his wife would make the hottest ever first lady. Would probably invade Cuba, because its 1961 again and the Cubans are going to impose Communism on America.

Now, with that delightful bunch considered, its time to have a look at the party of dullness and invertebrates, the Democrats. Because the Democrats are usually incapable of stating a position without immediately apologizing for offending people who disagree, its much easier just to make fun of them personally. Which is what I intend to do.

First on the list is Hillary Clinton, current frontrunner for possible Anti-Christ's of the World, 2008. Apparently will impose a lesbian socialist dictatorship on America if elected. Famously voted for the Iraq War, Patriot Act, Military Commissions Act, and the Kyl-Lieberman Iran amendment designating Iran's Revolutionary Guard as a terrorist organization. Yet somehow she is just too liberal for those conservatives. Will cry on demand if she doesn't get her way. Would also probably be the first candidate to inspire mass suicide in the American population if she won the primaries. Most likely to bomb Ken Starr, Matt Drudge, all suspected members of Vast Right Wing Conspiracies, Iran, Iraq, Pakistan and any good looking interns.

John Edwards is famous for not being able to scream as well as Howard Dean, and claims he will end poverty. Don't be tricked however, he means he will end poverty by eating the flesh of poor people, because he is a member of the Council of Foreign Relations and thus obviously a shape-shifting reptilian. Has also promised to send every child in America to college, because apparently there are not enough burger-flippers who are able to talk in depth about Derrida or the works of Constable. Is a noted baby-killer by proxy, and plans to genetically engineer cows to not fart methane so much, as to combat global warming. Voted for the War in Iraq, but is against the War on Terror (lol wut?). Would most likely bomb strike-breakers and labour relation consultants everywhere.

Mike Gravel is a crazy old man who lives in Alaska and has gone mad from the lack of human contact, as well as eating elk meat every day for the past 20 years. Gravel is most noted for helping end the Vietnam War, by aiding the Viet Cong in storming the US Saigon Embassy. Is ready and willing to implement crazy taxes and economic theories, purely for the lulz. Gravel is also noted for wanting to force gays to marry, whether they want to or not, and possibly even with straight men. Is also blatantly an addict, as he wishes to decriminalize most drugs, especially marijuana. He also advocates a 15 year long vetting period for buying firearms. Would most likely bomb Palestinians, since he wants the US to guard the borders between Israel and a future Palestinian state.

Dennis Kucinich is the Fred Thompson of the Democrat Party. That is to say, the only real reason to vote for him is that his wife is really quite hot. Also like Fred Thompson, he is only running because the writer's strike has left him nothing to do. On TV, he plays a gnome, and, occasionally, a politician. Kucinich was famously an ordinary man until an encounter with a UFO in in the 1980s, which told him he was the Chosen One, and that it was his destiny to conquer America and usher in the Age of Blood and Death. He plans to do this by legalizing everything, leading to an era of pure anarchy. Is most likely to bomb Dick Cheney.

Barak Obama is an Islamic fundamentalist masquerading as a Democrat moderate. His plan is to win the primaries, then announce he is the 12th Imam and that his running mate is Iranian President Ahmadinejad. Also has the backing of the Oprah Winfrey empire, leading to speculation that he will enforce self-actualization and positive thinking exercises on the population at large. Supports net neutrality for fear that corporate charges will take vital funding away from Jihadist's pockets. His main strategy, however, is to chant “change” repeatedly while never being tied to any specific policy, thereby retaining an aura of mystique while being hard to criticize. In that sense, he is kind of an anti-Giuliani. Is most likely to bomb Pakistan, as well as The Jenny Jones show, for stealing Oprah's ratings.

Jan 12, 2008

Czech latent Discordians face jail for nuclear mindfuck

Possibly one of the most awesome mindfucks I have heard of in a while.

'Nuclear' TV hackers face trial

A group of Czech artists who inserted a nuclear explosion into a national weather broadcast have been told by a prosecutor they could be sent to jail.

The six hackers are accused of tampering with equipment during a live panoramic shot of mountains last June.

A flash of bright light could be seen followed by a fiery mushroom cloud on the horizon.

The group, who last month won an award from Prague's National Gallery, face charges of spreading false information.

Now, be honest with yourself...faking a nuclear explosion on live TV is pretty damn incredible. I hope these guys get off. Not least because I want detailed notes on exactly how they did it. Purely for research purposes, of course.

Jan 11, 2008

Books for the masses!

Found these while lurking around the comments section of the excellent Rigorous Intuition blog. I only found the archives yesterday, but its already becoming one of my favourite conspiracy blogs, both intelligent and informative, without jumping to conclusions.

Anyway, I thought it would be nice to share, and so I present you with the download links. Books seem to be an assortment of classic conspiracy theorism, the occult, ritual magick (early 20th to present) social engineering and a few other areas, including RAW's Illuminati Papers. Like I've said before, I may not necessarily agree with all of them, but I won't turn away from the offer of free and interesting reading.

Odd Books Link 1
Odd Books Link 2
Odd Books Link 3
Odd Books Link 4

Download should come roughly to about 40 MB total. Enjoy.

A poem I wrote when I was feeling sensitive

I pissed on my neighbor's car
They got really angry at me
I told them it used too much gas
Then I got arrested for disorderly conduct

So I set their house on fire
And shot them in the face
With a chicken cannon
Spraying chicken and people gibs everywhere

It was horrible
I feel bad now
But now I feel better
Because I wrote a poem

- Ten Ton Mantis (PD.com forums)

Jan 10, 2008

Book Review: Black Mass

Over Christmas, I managed to get my hands on a brand-spanking new copy of John Gray's Black Mass: Apocalyptic Religions and the Death of Utopia. Thinking this was perfect reading for the holiday season, I prompty bought it (and got a recommendation from the the guy at the till for Straw Dogs, also by him) and proceeded to give it a read.

I have to say, I'm not too surprised of the content of the book. A lot of people apparently are, but the simple fact is our current political discourse in the Western world is highly warped, with a focus on internal state politics, instead of international political theory. In International Relations, however, we do not have a left/right or liberal/conservative distinction, which, when taken to its extremes, as in the USA political discourse, ends up branding centrist and liberal-right parties as "left-wing", or the NeoConservatives as actual Conservatives, when they borrow heavily from liberal and Communist thought.

Such inconsistencies don't exist. Instead, we have Realism, Liberalism, Marxism and Constructivism. There are also basic offshoots of these, such as NeoRealism, Postmodernism, Idealism, Cosmpolitanism etc but the above are the 4 main theories one will run into on most University campuses and in the majority of the text books dealing with the subjects.

There are no hard and fast rules tying the theories to internal politics either. One of the greatest Realists of this century, Hans Morgenthau, protested so heavily against the Vietnam war he was spied on by the US government, while Nixon and Kissinger, two other Realists, were in charge of the country's foreign policy. You have Marxists who support economic colonialism, and liberals who favour war to open international markets. I suspect the reason for this is that, aside from times of war, foreign policy is not an area usually high on voters priorities, and thus has escaped media and political corruption, for the most part.

Either way, Gray's thesis is similar to anyone who has been following trends in international political theory over the past couple of years. Gray has returned to Classical Realism in order to critique "ideological crusaders" and the fanatics who threaten the world. He goes one step further than most commentators however (such as Robert Kaplan) in blaming both residual millennarian thought within current political theory, and the death of religion as a means of rational enquiry into metaphysical and philosophical speculation. He draws quite a distinction between the Scholastic scepticism of an Aquinas and the unshaking faith of Von Hayek, as a perfect example of this.

Gray convincingly explains how Christian millennarian teleology was inherent in Enlightenment era thinking about human perfectibility and set a terrible precedent for modern theories. Children of Enlightenment thought and those who opposed it while accepting many of its basic assumptions (the Counter-Enlightenment) eventually resulted in the terrible creation of Bolshevism and Nazism in the 20th century. In particular he does an excellent job with explaining the millennarian content of Communist Russian thought, dispelling with ease the racist/apologist "Oriental Despotism" theory of why Communism there was so violent.

He then turns to more modern theories. Being English, he manages to catch the subtelties of British politics far more than many Americans, and aptly starts with Thatcher and the death of traditional Conservativism. The birth of Neo-Liberalism was a death blow for most traditional conservatives over the world. Fully embracing the free market and the revolutionary, chaotic power of the market to overturn traditional relationships, family structures and ways of life, "Conservatives" who bought into the solution of the Free Market became the new revolutionaries.

And so millennarian thought shifted from the syncretic and left wing movements to the right. He then charts the failure of NeoLiberalism and how it morphed into the more "honest" NeoConservativism, which at least accepted that the Market required a violent actor to sometimes ovecome barriers to its operations.

And then, the book's focus shifts. Its understandable, when you understand Gray's own political background, but about half the book becomes devoted to the political opinions of Tony Blair and the American NeoConservative right and how we can see this sort of thinking driving the invasion of Iraq. Much of the book is devoted to this, which is kind of a shame, as I was hoping he would delve more into the philosophical contradictions of the NeoCons some more. He does, interestingly, make a case for Tony Blair being the first British NeoCon, an excellent and accurate description of his deeply held views. A crypto-NeoCon, keeping the public face of a Neo-Liberal.

Gray ends the book by making the case for Realist thought in the modern world. Much of it is well known to anyone who has taken the time to read the above links, so I wont delve into it in any real depth. Suffice to say, while Realism is certainly an attractive option in the face of ideological crusaders, we have to remember that the current political climate arose as a reaction to Realism. We increasingly see the role of state as that of a moral body (rightly or wrongly, I share Realist scepticism on this, but it is the perception) and do feel moral outrage at the wrongs of the world. A return to Realist thinking would look very much like the early days of the Cold War, where it dominated the US foreign policy establishment. And without the checks on US action by the Soviet Union now being present, would the world really look that much different than it already does?

Realism places stability as its ultimate goal, as its own "Holy Grail". The fear of destablization will eventually resolve itself into military interventionism, which will, in the current military/political evolution of the planet, most likely only increase the scope of the conflict. In trying to create a balance of power, where no state can even think it has the advantage to engage in international political rearragenment of the current system, the USA as global hegemon, would end up supporting a balance of terror. One which may spill over in the presence of irrational agents, of which the world has a large supply.

In conclusion, the critique of this book is brilliant, and far more developed than many others like it. However, the solution it provides is weak, and chosen out of lack of current options instead of for any defensible reason. Realism has been tried in the past, and it was not as successful a model as its proponents would like people to think. New thinking is needed on the topic of international relations theory, desperately, but this book does not provide it, despite its formidable intellectual arguments against the current state of affairs.

Jan 9, 2008

Time to bait the Paulbots

I know I'm calling down the fury of Ron Paul's internet based legion with this...but fuck 'em if they can't take a joke (click to enlarge).

Jan 1, 2008

Kenya and Pakistan

I get ill and Bhutto gets her head blown off, while Kenya erupts in post-election violence. Coincidence? Probably not, but I'll still talk about those two more than my unfortunately timed cold (and I wont even talk about it happening during my first free time in months).

First we have the unusual assassination of Bhutto. I'm on a wireless right now, and even getting online risks the possibility of frostbite, so I haven't been able to call upon my usual levels of research and sources on this.

However, it doesn't take a genius to work out there is something odd about her assassination. Not least in the fact that she may not have fallen at the hands of an assassin's bullet, but rather a cracked skull that resulted from the explosion. Of course, we wont actually know until the autopsy is performed...

Oh, thats right, an autopsy wont be performed. Because the government of Pakistan, via the Police Chief of Rawalpindi, put pressure on the doctors to agree with their interpretation of events and bury the troublesome broad as soon as possible. Which kind of raises questions about how the government knows what killed her. Its possible they may be psychic, or merely trying to cover up evidence of their complicity by all means possible.

The assassin himself is an interesting one, too. While we know Al-Qaeda previously targeted Bhutto, their methods of assassination are pretty obvious - car bombs and suicide bombers. All they require is a skilled bombmaker and any religiously inclined idiot willing to go to Allah sooner than expected. It takes roughly $3 million a piece for the US to replicate the accuracy of these smart bombs with their own guided missiles, and its much cheaper to use people, cars and C4.

However, the fact he was using a gun is an anomaly. Al-Qaeda assassins don't use guns, as a rule. Not on assassinations, at least. For kidnapping people and within their own buildings, for defence, sure. However, trained gunmen, especially of the calibre needed to take out a potential head of state, are too useful to waste on suicide missions, which most attempts on people of Bhutto's political influence are. Bombs are far more useful because so long as you get it within range of the target, they don't really "miss", plus once they are fired its too late to do anything about them. Guns, on the other hand, are more difficult and if you screw up, you've exposed your position and intent and can expect a future of grief and pain if caught.

So bombs are definitely the professional assassin's weapon, at this level of the game. Factoring in the inexpensive nature of the personnel also needed, you can make high target kills much easier, even if you fail once or twice. Like much of terrorrism, its turned into a game of odds.

But if you are an organization who has access to a large number of trained gunmen, on the other hand, it might be better to use them, given Al-Qaeda's previous failure, right? The gunfire could be used to pin the target down, and then the bomb detonated - a pretty sneaky kill. You'd have to be willing to kill the gunman of course (the fact that you can have unwilling or unknowing suicide bombers is a problem little discussed in terrorism literature - its a great way of disposing of someone who knows too much once their primary goal is achieved), but if you have plenty of those already, is it really a problem?

Of course, one could look towards the Kashmiri groups, many of whom have quasi-military training, religious conviction and a cushy arrangement with Musharraf dating back to at least 1999 (where he heavily supported them in their war against India and made the case for them in military circles, according the rumours). While I could certainly see why they would want to take out Musharraf's key opposition, I'm not too certain of the extent of their resources within Pakistan proper, or their willingness to mess with the political system to this degree.

On the other hand, we always have the world's biggest bastards, the ISI. They despised Bhutto's PPP - enough to help rig elections against her party in 1990, ensuring her defeat, not to mention the whispers of involvement of the ISI in Shahnawaz Bhutto's assassination. And they have links to both Al-Qaeda and the Kashmiri terrorist groups, so many links its sometimes hard to tell where the ISI ends and they begin. It also has vast resources, well beyond that of the dreams of any terrorist group, and is often referred to as a "state within a state" because of both its highly independent nature and willingness to use the aforementioned resources for their own ends. Given that police were pulled from their posts shortly before the assassination, and the sheer level of interference in finding out the truth, in addition to the odd nature of her killing all seem to suggest that it may not have been Al-Qaeda at all, but elements far closer to the corridors of power in Islamabad.

And briefly, we have a disgusting situation in Kenya right now, which is really terrible to see. I'm not sure about the contested vote, truth be told, and it seems many people in Kenya are the same way, despite the party faithful backing their own candidates to the hilt. It should be noted that the EU observers raised concerns about irregularities and would be fair to assume that if there is cheating, it benefited the winner (otherwise the cheating was pretty pointless), but I don't know that for certain. But of course, with this being Kenya, political concerns invariably turn into ethnic concerns, which effect everyone.

That's kind of the problem with ethnic issues, especially if they get tied into politics, because you can't just keep your mouth shut and lie about who you voted for, when Mr Bigot who lives down the road knows that all the Kikuyu voted for that bastard Kibaki (for example). So it becomes a situation where each side is getting ready to beat the crap out of each other in a pre-emptive show of self-defence. And when you have that situation, all you need is one idiot, which nature has in considerable abundance.

And that is how we end up with Kikuyu being burned alive in a church, or women being "targeted for rape in the slums based on their ethnicity" or "ODM supporters in ODM strongholds being beaten, raped, and killed arbitrarily by GSU officers."

I suggest if you want to keep up with the situation in Kenya, use a mix of Kenyapundit's excellent blogging, along with BBC News and online reports, as the BBC will be increasing its resources in the country very soon. I suspect other British news outlets will too, so keep an eye on the Times, Guardian etc as well.

Well, thats it for my New Year News Roundup. Time to go back to the flavoured coffee and bad TV films. Later.