Dec 12, 2007

35 best antisocial behaviours

Taken from various members at

1. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, come back sopping wet, offer no explanation.
2. Claim you must wear a bicycle helment all the time as part of your "astromaut training".
3. Just mutter the words "Can't get away, can't hide" over and over.
4. Hiding in a dark corner mumbling curses.
5. Take "a Sabbatical" from bathing.
6. Start walking your cat on a leash. When asked why or given funny looks by people, sick your cat on them.
7. Screaming "Attack of the flying monkeys" at random strangers.
8. At the gym, tell an employee your clothes were stolen. When asked what they look like, describe what they're wearing.
9. Start practicing the ancient art of the lite-brite.
10. When someone talks to you, cover your ears and say "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA" until they leave.
11. Phone everyone you know, yell at them to stop calling you.
12. Listen to elevator music on repeast, loud.
13. Scream "I know you are but what am I?" at the top of your lungs every hour on the hour.
14. When people walk by, hide behind a fire hydrant and pretend they can't see you.
15. Ask everyone you see who isn't smiling if you can hug them.
16. Every time you see a co-worker yell "We meat again" and laugh evilly.
17. Yell at the ants on your lawn to leave you alone.
18. Answer the phone by saying "Can't talk right now, busy dancing."
19. At the zoo, talk to the monkeys as if you're visiting a loved one in prison.
20. As someone exits the elevator, whisper "I love you" as the door shuts.
21: Shit yourself on a regular basis.
22: Scream at the top of your lungs every 5 minutes.
23: Kill someone in public, then appologize profusely to their body. Tell them you thought they were someone else.
24: Post on a discordian forum, it's totally cool and subversive even if you never leave your house or interact with anyone.
25: Go to McDonalds drive-thru, order 20 double quarter pounders with extra tartar sauce, leave without paying.
26: Make lists of anti-social things that you can do.
27: Leave one of the numbers blank.
29: Call an 800 number, put them on hold, call them back and complain when they hang up. Demand to speak with their manager.
30: Get a job at McDonalds or Walmart, get fired with style.
31: Play Grand Theft Auto.
32: Spend an entire week using only the phrase "Go fuck yourself."
33: Never laugh at anybody's jokes but your own. If someone playfully calls you a name (Mr. "Hole-In-One," Honey, dude) or makes some playfully depreciating statement about you, lash out at them and throw a tantrum. Key their car. Buy some coffee or ice cream for the singlular purpose of spilling it on them. Basically, take revenge on them forever.
34. Qualify all sentences with the following beginning and/or ending: "in accordance with the prophecy"
35. Indiscriminate and obvious use of superglue on everything and everyone.

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