Jan 20, 2008

The Trap of the Heart Part 2: The blogger strikes back

The Malaysian government, as successfully predicted by one of the kind commentators in the country, has failed to comment on the Trap of the Heart debacle. However, I think they underestimated me and my ability to dig up information via my own sources.

Now, I don't like to make a big deal of it, but in my current studies, I often meet a lot of international government personnel. Most usually, its a talk and afterward drink session with some Cultural Attache who's gotten bored with London, and sometimes its slightly more involved or knowledgeable individuals. Anyway, I heard from one of my people an interesting story which sheds a whole new light on the Uncyclopedia/Malaysis drama....

"The problem is far more serious than most people seem to believe. Its been passed off in the media, that which has noticed it, as nothing more than a misunderstanding, when it seems that there is no small amount of mystery and deceit involved. According to a source within MISS, the cause of this entire upset is an American called Dobbs, and the rabbit hole goes much deeper than an inability to tell humour from reality. John R. Dobbs, a civilian contractor and analyst associated with the CIA, is accused by the Malaysians of gross malfeasance in what was supposed to be an ad campaign for boosting tourism revenue within the country. Mr. Dobbs who has a long history with the Malaysian government, is accused of embezzling $2.6 million intended for a public relations campaign. Instead the Malaysian Bureau of Exports and Tourism was given an inaccurate and unflattering description on Uncyclopedia.org, an open, free, and typically accurate online encyclopedia.

Dobbs allegedly used the money to buy a controlling share in a Malaysian pharmaceutical company manufacturing and marketing “penis enlargement pills” to the southeast Asia market. Laboratory testing has shown a link between prolonged usage of the pills and elevated risk of impotence and sterility. Adding insult to injury, Dobbs' used CIA propaganda techniques to spread fear of a "Koro" outbreak (which means "head of the turtle" in Malay). Koro or “penis panic” is the fear in certain cultures of a disease or curse which causes men's genitals to shrink and eventually disappear. It was assumed that Koro would increase the sales of the male enhancement pills. Apparently the Malaysian government in coordination with the CIA, had been using Koro-panics as a non-chemical means of population control for several decades.

Now Kuala Lumpur is attempting damage control, denying allegations of involvement with Dobbs in any way other than as a private marketing consultant. Apparently trying to distance themselves from him, while denying their involvement with numerous Koro outbreaks in the past. It appears that MISS is trying to keep a lid on the problem by using heavy-handed tactics to stem the tide of allegations coming from all sides."

I don't know what to make of it, but, rather like an alternate reality version of Fox News, I only report what I hear, and let you, the people, decide.

1 comment:

jeremiadist said...

Um. So - J.R. Dobbs... Kuala Lumpur... Shouldn't this post be tagged "Dobbstown"? I really hope this story cracks AP!